It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
