We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
