If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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