I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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