Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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