You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
