The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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