"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
