mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
