forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she looked like the before picture.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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