I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
