Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
