It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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