we have officially lost it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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