I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
