only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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