drunk tastebuds have low standards.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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