Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
