I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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