you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
