Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
