How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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