And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
