just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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