No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
