I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Naked Twister starts at high noon
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
