Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
