That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think your dad took our porno
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
