Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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