Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
