Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
