I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
