So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
