Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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