the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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