I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
