At least make sure they are 18
Why
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
