It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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