If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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