I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
