we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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