They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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