We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
