If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
