he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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