if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
