It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
