Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
