my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
