Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
