I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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