awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
